We’re a weird couple and a lot of our friends don’t understand our dynamics. Isn’t that most couples thought? Each relationship is unique to the two partners, and that’s the only people that matter. Brad and I have a lot of fun together. We mock each other, tease each other, basically, we’re assholes. One of the biggest issues I’ve seen on Facebook mom groups is relationships after babies. No lie – they’re hard. But, they’re only hard because they change. Everything changes after the arrival of children. Whether it’s your first or your tenth (wow, go you) the family dynamic is never going to be the same.
You might think a new(ish) dad would worry about things like diapers, how to hold the baby, ways to soothe the baby, or even how to handle teething (which is a nightmare), but no. Maybe that’s what some first-time dads think about, but not my Brad. Vienna is almost 1 year old, and I thought it would be a good time to talk about more children. Nothing set in stone. I wanted to see where Brad’s head was at in terms of our little family. At times, I know we both love just having Vienna. But, other times I want more little feet running around.
So, while Brad was putting up a TV in Vienna’s room, I thought about the “right time” to start the conversation. How would I begin? Would I be direct? That never works. Maybe I’ll slip it into another topic. It’s silly, but the conversation was already stressing me out, and we hadn’t even begun to have it! The mom-brain is real, people! Anyway, he must have read my mind. Out of nowhere he turns to me and says, “The other day, I was thinking about babies“. Surprise!
Oh, the irony. Here I am, sitting in front of a man who didn’t even want one child and now he’s the one bringing up more of them! To be fair, we’ve never seriously discussed babies. Hell, we haven’t seriously discussed us. If you read About Me then it’s pretty obvious that we didn’t take the normal route most relationships follow. I start thinking maybe he’s ready to really talk! Maybe make plans! Finally!
A Dad’s Worst Nightmare – Apparently
B: “I had bad dreams the other night. I was thinking about us having more children. It popped into my head the other day, and it really freaked me out. I couldn’t get it out of my head.”
M: “You were having nightmares?”
B: “Well, I already know that we will never have a better child then Pookie. There will never be a better baby. She is gorgeous, smart, funny, and basically the best of everything. It can’t get any better.”
M: “Jesus! It’s a good thing we don’t have more children. If we did, they’d be competing with each other for your love. This isn’t gladiators, Brad.”
B: “Ha! But, seriously. I’m freaking out. Not about them not being perfect. Not about them being different then Vienna. But, Margaret…WHAT IF THE NEXT BABY IS UGLY⁉️”
Dad’s Worry About The Darndest Things
My jaw dropped to the floor. You’ve got to be kidding me. The man always talks about finances and lifestyle, and his obsession with our daughter, and yet his nightmare was about an “ugly” baby. Is that not the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?
First of all, I don’t make ugly babies!!!! Sure, I’ve only made one. But, the proof is in the Pookie – and it’s beautiful. Secondly, there are far more important worries that would impact us having more children. Come on. What really shocked me, was that he was serious. Like I said earlier, we’re strange, and we joke around a lot. But, this was serious to him. I had to find out why “ugliness” would be a fear of his.
One Dad’s Honest Answer
Things have changed for both of us since we became pregnant with Vienna. His life used to revolve around parties, women, and pretending to be a rock star living “the dream”. Mine was more about surrounding myself with people. Regardless, we were both extremely social (just, in different ways). Once we found out about Vienna, my old life came to an immediate halt and a new life began. For him, eh, let’s say it took a little more time and some extra soul searching. Even knowing all of this, I was still taken back by his response.
What if my sobriety creates UGLY babies!?
There it was, the shock of my year (thus far). Honestly, I can’t deny his fear because we are different. We’re not saints by any means, but our bodies are much healthier than they were a few years ago. Okay, maybe not healthier exactly. We both have gained an obsession with donuts and muffin tops (not the baked kind), but you know what I mean. But, I still fell over laughing.
I Was Touched
Here in front of me stood a terrified man, and I’m rolling on the floor almost peeing myself in hysteria. Of course, I calmed down and my sympathy receptors kicked in. It was sort of sweet, in its own twisted way. He really wasn’t worried about the looks of another child. The scare was much deeper than that. But, this was how it surfaced and how he was able to express himself. Up until then I never thought he even considered having more children. The few times it’s come up, there was always a snarky sarcastic answer. I guess I have the real answer, and only more time will tell. I go back and forth on the idea, but for entirely different reasons.
Ladies, if you think your partner doesn’t think about your family, about future children, about ridiculous internal fears, you’re wrong! Men do think about these things. They don’t express them all the time, and they probably won’t elaborate on any of it. None of that means they aren’t on the same page (or in the same book) as you.