A large part of having a smooth and enjoyable pregnancy is finding an OB/GYN who has similar expectations and a compatible personality with yours. Maybe you’re an expecting mom who wants to know every detail throughout your pregnancy and need to have a deep interpersonal connection with your doctor, that’s perfectly fine. Or, maybe, you’re like me, and you want to change your pre-pregnant life as little as possible and don’t want to know anything unless it’s a necessity.
Either way, it’s essential to find a doctor that matches your pregnancy. This small first step will be the most important decision until you create your birth plan. If you’re not sure how to look for an OB/GYN or too many to choose from, read my simple guide to choosing an OB/GYN. If all else fails, ask a local mom group (but I wouldn’t suggest starting there).
I wasn’t sure how I would be as a pregnant woman. Being a very type-A personality, I figured I would have everything scheduled, down to the smallest detail, and up to date on all of the pregnancy information. Funny enough, I wasn’t like that at all. I read some books, briefly, and I followed a few new research studies, but mostly I indulged. Pregnancy is so short, it’s not worth stressing. Fetuses can feel that stress. It was the first thing he said to me, “you just be pregnant,” which made me feel confident in his abilities as a doctor. It was the next sentence that would become my family’s running joke and our life slogan.
So what did my doctor say that made my pregnancy so great? Not much. He is a man of little words. Unless I needed to know the information in detail, he kept it brief. My appointments (in the room with him) were 15 minutes TOPS. Even when I had to see a specialist for two ultrasounds, he never sounded worried. He never told me too much information. Trust me, it’s easier, not knowing.
Think of it this way, your doctor spends 4 years of undergraduate work, then 4 years of medical school. They then take 2+ years towards fellowships and residencies. Now add on all of their years of practice experience. You aren’t going to know better than them. You aren’t. It’s that simple. It’s important to let them do their job and keep you and your baby safe. So, let them. You do your job and incubate that nugget until it’s time to bring them into this crazy world.
That was all he said. No matter what fear, question, or concern we had, his response was always a variation of “it’s fine.” At our initial meeting, my doctor was extremely patient with our fears and did a fabulous job of easing both our minds. How? By reminding us that everything was fine. It was going to be fine. The chance of anything happening during this pregnancy that he hadn’t dealt with before was minimal. So, once again, it was all fine!
I would never have thought such a simple sentence could bring such ease and enjoyment to a pregnant 26-year-old, but it did. If you’re reading this thinking, “well, that sounds vague and abrupt,” it was, and that’s it’s beauty. I knew I could trust him. If something was wrong, he would take care of me (and tell me if I really needed to know). One time, about halfway through my second trimester, I asked him why he always said: “it’s fine.” He replied,
“Because many doctors give too much information to the mother, and it ends up scaring them. I’ve seen it happen many times throughout the years. Women leave, start googling information, don’t have all of the facts, and then worry themselves for no reason. It is t right to do to your patient. Our job is to worry about you. Your job is to be happy and knows you’re safe. If you’re going home trying to do my job, I’m not doing my job very well. I’m failing you.”
It was a moment I’ll never forget. I had no response. His thought process made sense, but what really got me was his compassion. What might appear to be abrupt and disinterest was actually explicitly done out of love and sympathy. I had never experienced a doctor, of any type, take my emotions and my personality into consideration. And never would I imagine it from my OB/GYN. Maybe he was this way to me because of my nature, but it turns out he practices this theory for all his patients. Some like it, some don’t. Most don’t ask why he does what he does, and so they don’t understand. So, make sure you ask – if you have a question. But above all, keep these two words in your mind at all times.