The Trouble With Toilets

parenting millennials challenges

I’d like to share a motherhood story with you all and I hope it makes you laugh! Relationships are crazy, but sometimes funny stories come out of the nagging. Other times, you experience a Toilet tumble.

Earlier today, my mom decided to come down for a visit and we planned to go to the zoo (this plan included Mr. Man, even though he swears she hates him). She might. You never know, but that is besides the point.

Anyways, I really needed to “organize/clean” before she got to the apartment. Things have gotten a little messy, to say the least. Let’s face it, we all know how that conversation would go… So, a few days ago, Brad says: 

                                     “Don’t worry, I’ll help you in the morning!”

The Morning Of Mom’s Arrival

Morning comes around, and being the prince he is, he’s asleep. #Momlife I stay awake. Well, I try, but I’m dozing off while watching the baby play (and hopefully not die). I’m kidding, she can hardly crawl – she’s safe in her little play area. Finally, she goes down for her nap! I take the opportunity and try to do the same.

So far, no organizing has taken place – I’ll regret this later.

My nap only lasts one freaking hour before little Miss Pain-In-My-Ass wakes up. Okay, time to get her clean right? So, she gets a bath and, surprise, she’s tired again! I can’t put her to bed since it’s almost time for my mommy to get here, and nothing has been cleaned. Oh, and guess who’s still asleep? I know, I should “wake him up.” I definitely need a shower and, honestly, so does he. Instead, I let the man sleep.

Sometimes, I can be nice.

Shower Time, Toilet Time, Mommy Time

I get into the shower, admitting defeat because nothing is going to be completed. Oh well! I tried my best today, and now I’m enjoying my warm water with peace. If you’re wondering, Brad finally woke up and was watching the baby. She wasn’t alone, don’t worry. Until I realized I had left my loofah by the bathroom sink, across the toilet. What do I do? I do what any normal person would do, I lean out of the shower to get it…

Only, here’s the thing, for weeks I’d been on Brad to fix the toilet seat. Now, I won’t say who, but someone’s ass somehow managed to break it. When anyone uses it, it jerks and slides right off… sometimes with the person sliding right along with it – there’s an image for you! LOL.  

Seeing as you’re now up to speed, I leaned out of the shower, putting one hand on that damn, slippery toilet seat. WHOOSH! It slides out beneath my hand, and the entire seat breaks off the toilet. I, non-graciously I might add, slide across the whole toilet. Yep, gross. So gross! To make matters worse, I get stuck! Here I am, buck ass naked on top of a disgusting toilet. On the way down I managed to also break the toilet paper holder clean off the side of the cabinet. You would think it couldn’t get worse. Wrong! A little wiggling and I flop off the toilet and skid across the floor.

Baby Medic Reporting For Duty

If the image of me flopping around the bathroom like a fish on deck isn’t funny enough for you, there’s more. You can imagine my tumble made quite the ruckus. All that noise and all I hear from the living room is:

“whaaaat the hell?”

I don’t want you to think he’s an ass since he could also hear me laughing hysterically. I wasn’t hurt. Somehow, I had managed to escape with nothing but a slight bruise on my knee. Even still, God forbid Brad checks on me. Rude. A quick side note, please check on your partners even when they’re laughing.

But, I heard a noise slowly coming down the hallway. I look up towards the bathroom door and see my 7-month-old daughter, Vienna. Is that not the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard?

My baby, Vienna, popping through the open door to check upon me.

After a few minutes, I called Brad to get Vienna. The toilet seat was still on the floor and I didn’t want her to touch it. When he got to the bathroom, he looked around and said:

“HOW’D YOU BREAK THE DAMN SEAT IF YOUR ASS IS IN THE SHOWER!?

Once again, I couldn’t stop laughing. We’re very sarcastic towards each other. I didn’t take his comment as mean, or unconcerned. Even he was laughing at the situation.

Well, that’s my life ladies. This is being a parent…You’re welcome!

Laughing Always,
Margaret

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